They were each other’s best friend, and they knew each other inside and out. For better and for worse.

 

Though she seemed very bubbly and upbeat on the surface, deep down, Rayna was very troubled.

 

Beth believes that Rayna was abused in multiple ways by multiple people throughout her life.

 

“I think that took a really hard hit, she was really young, and she didn't know how to handle all of that,” Beth said.

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She thinks what pushed Rayna over the edge was her biological father moving forward with his life and she was fearful that she would have been left out of that.

 

“Even though she was getting help, I don't think it was enough to combat her home life,” Beth said. “Her home life just kept pushing on her. She was unable to escape any other way.”

 

After knowing Rayna for many years before her passing, Beth was aware of Rayna’s difficult home life and the ways in which it affected her.

 

“You could kind of tell when her mental health was catching up to her,” Beth said. “She’d get quiet, she wouldn’t look you in the eye, she wouldn’t open up like she normally does.”

 

The night before her passing, as Beth was saying goodbye to her while she was getting out of the car, she recalls noticing that Rayna wouldn’t look her in the eye.

 

“I remember her saying something the night before she died where she didn't think she would see us very often within the next couple years, and that was very confusing,” Beth said. “And then as I was getting out of the car, the last time I saw her, she never even looked at me.”

 

That comment from her did raise a red flag for Beth, but she had assumed that it was just a bad day.

 

“She never said goodbye and that hurt,” she said. “Because I would have hoped to be someone that she could have opened up to and talked to. Not having that closure was most painful part.”

 

After Beth’s parents sat her down in the living room and told her what happened, she felt like the day was slowly crawling by. She’d sleep for a while, but the hours never seemed to pass. She was in complete shock. When the day began to drift into evening, she spoke with a grief counselor.

 

“She brought up social media and that just like sent me over the edge,” Beth said. “I was like, ‘I don't know how people are going to react on social media. I don't really want to see what they have to say’ and at the same time I was very protective of it, too.”

 

Beth didn’t want strangers to create false illustrations about her best friend. She didn’t want to hear them claiming that they were something to her that they weren’t. She didn’t want them fabricating lies about her. This was a person that she’d shared so many years of her life with. She didn’t want her best friend to be painted in a false light.

 

I also shared the same sentiment at the time, as it was angering and painful to see others who didn’t know a thing about Rayna act like they knew every detail about her life.

 

Amy Kassel, Beth’s mother, was wary of social media as well. As soon as she heard the news, she left work and came straight home and told her daughter the news with her husband, Michael, at her side. She didn’t want her daughter waking up and finding out what happened through social media.

 

“I got permission to leave work that day,” Amy said. “I called Mike, we actually called your mom, because you two were at home asleep and we didn’t want you getting on social media before you found out anything.”

 

When Amy and Michael broke the news to their daughter, she began to weep and tremble.

 

“We just had to tell her that one of favorite people in the world had just passed away,” Michael said.

 

I remember walking in her front door after hearing the news myself. She immediately ran to me, hugged me and sobbed into my shoulder. I remember feeling her shuddering from the sobs that were racking her body. Thinking about that now shatters my heart all over again.

 

As days turned to weeks and weeks turned to months, Beth continued to struggle.

 

“The months following were really hard,” Beth said. “My mental health took a big hit on that. My relationships suffered a lot. I would say I was not in a good place at all. Losing her hurt.”

 

Amy and Michael began to see Beth become very withdrawn and reserved. They had concerns over their daughter’s well-being.

 

“We worried that she might try to do what Rayna had done or something similar,” Amy said. “So, we kept a pretty close eye. Probably checked up on her more than she wanted to be checked up on. You know, so [we] just kind of tried to get her to talk more.”

 

They made sure that their daughter knew that they were there for her whenever she needed help or wanted to talk.

 

“We kept making sure that she had the things that she needed,” Michael said. “The other friends, the other activities, the fact that she had so much more in life that she had to look forward to. And yes, we let her grieve. We grieved, too.”

 

In an effort to help ease his daughter’s grief, Michael chose to quietly remove Beth’s photos of Rayna out of her bedroom, as he recognized that Beth’s constant viewing of Rayna’s face all over her room were making things more difficult for her.

 

“I saw the picture of Rayna and I realized that Beth woke up every morning and was surrounded by Rayna,” Michael said. “And that every time she came home, she was surrounded by Rayna and it just didn't really seem to me but that that could be good, because it would never give Beth a chance to be able to, unfortunately, not be with Rayna.”

 

Michael let Beth know what he did and told her that she can have the photos back at any point, but to just try and leave them in another room for a few days. It did make a difference, as it took Beth a very long time to take the photos back. Michael believes that she never did put them back up on her walls.

 

“It was just a matter of just giving her an opportunity to have some distance from the fact that Rayna was gone,” he said.

 

Michael wasn’t sure if that was the right thing to do, but it was the only thing he could think of at the time that could lessen Beth’s pain. He reflects that it was awful watching his daughter go through such pain.

 

“It was unfortunate that she had to experience the way people leave the world the way that Rayna did,” he said.

 

In the months following Rayna’s passing, Beth sought counseling to help her cope.

 

“I do think that helped,” Beth said. “I wish I had stayed in that longer. Unfortunately, due to another circumstance, I stopped going. I picked it up after a while.”

 

Beyond counseling, Beth noted that journaling helped her a lot.

 

“Initially, I was journaling a lot,” she said. “I journaled almost every day as a way to try and stay connected to her. To just kind of keep a record of what was going on; my thoughts, my feelings during that time.”

 

Time kept pressing forward, as it does. Beth reflects on what the first year of coping was like.

 

“The first year was super hard, like I would always like catch myself talking to her and just trying to find a way to feel closer to her,” Beth said.

 

During the first few years, she would try to have a birthday cake or Monster Energy drink to mark the anniversary of Rayna’s passing. But after that, she would just keep Rayna in her thoughts.

 

“I do think about her every day, so I never felt like I needed to memorialize her, because I feel her,” she said.

 

To this day, certain things still remind Beth of her departed friend. Like Hello Kitty, the character Yoshi from Mario Kart, the color purple and stars.

 

As the years began to pile on top of each other, the weight of her grief began to lessen, and she has been able to let go a little more. This year, on August 22, 2021, it will be eight years since Rayna had passed.

 

“Just this past year, actually, I was cleaning out some stuff and I was able to let go of the little things that didn't mean as much,” Beth said. “Like just an origami bird that she had happened to make out of a gum wrapper. I was able to finally let that go and I just kept the most important pieces of her.”

 

Beth is still holding onto things like a necklace with a ballerina pendent that Rayna gave her, as well as note that Rayna wrote her that reads ‘love always, Rayna’.

 

She has also kept a necklace with a heart pendent that Rayna’s grandmother gifted her that contains some of Rayna’s ashes. Beth is pictured cradling this necklace in her hands at the top of this story.